6 Lies that Moms Believe

Are you gullible? Do you tend to believe most of the things that people tell you? How about the lies that you tell yourself? Are you falling for those lies too??

 

It’s no lie, we are our own worst critic.

That’s just the way it goes.

We see our faults.

We see our failures.

We know we could do better.

We beat ourselves up each night before bed, thinking of all the things we could have done differently that day.

Thoughts run back and forth in our mind. Thoughts that are telling us lies.

Lies that we start to listen and hold onto as if they were the truth.

Lies that we must get rid of.

Here are a few lies that I’ve fallen into before.

1.My Kids Needs ALWAYS Come First

Okay. Don’t stop reading now and get all worked up, thinking that I’m saying our kids don’t matter.  Because trust me, my kids mean the world to me.  Their happiness and success in life are why I try so hard to teach them all they need to know.  It’s why I am driving back and forth a million times per day, taking them to all their events.  It’s why friends come over and destroy the house I just cleaned.  This is the reason I make homemade meals that they cry and complain about…or even the reason I decided to just skip the home-cooked meal and get take-out.

Their happiness means the world to me.

But guess what, their chances of being happy and successful will DOUBLE if they see me as happy and successful.

You see, if I take care of myself, and show them how to love who they are, and to take care of themselves, and still, serve others, then my kids will learn to live a successful and fulfilling life. f I don’t make myself a priority, then what is that going to teach my kids?

It’ll teach them that they don’t matter…because mom doesn’t matter to herself.

Mama’s you HAVE to put yourself first so that you can be there for others.

Go ahead, be “selfish” for a few moments and go take care of you and your needs.

It truly is the best thing you can do for your kids.

2. I Have to Say Yes to Everything

Oh my goodness!!! How many of you have fallen into this trap??

I’m raising my hand right now.

I’ve fallen into that trap…and sometimes I still do.

But for the past couple years I’ve made a conscious decision to think before I speak.

I mean, have you ever said yes to doing something and then a few second later you’re wondering why in the world you just committed to that?! Or even as you are saying YES, inside your mind is shouting no…but you still go along with it.

I was so busy trying to please and help everyone that I ALWAYS said yes.  I was losing my mind though. I was saying YES to everything that wasn’t actually important so when something I TRULY WANTED to do came up, I didn’t have the time or the resources to do it.

I never had a moment to just be still.  To just enjoy the present moment.  As soon as one task was done, I was moving on to the next, and the next and the next.

Just because you're not busy, doesn't mean that you're available. Click To Tweet

So, learn to say NO to people/things.

Saying no really just means that you're saying yes to what's really important in your life. Click To Tweet
3. I’ll be Prettier/Happier When I Fit Into “X” Size of Jeans or Weigh “X” Pounds

News flash…if you’re waiting until you are “skinnier” to be happy, then you need to change that thought process right now.

Be happy now.  Love who you are NOW.

We waste so much of our time, wishing our circumstances would change and thinking that when it finally does change…THEN we will be happy.

Lie.

Because even if the number on the does scales drop, you’ll find something else you wish would change and you’ll be waiting for happiness once again.

So, just learn to love your body as it is now…like I had to do and mention HERE.

4. I Am A Bad Mom

Have you gone to bed, thinking of all the things you failed at that day?

You yelled at the kids 10 times because they wouldn’t get their shoes on and get out the door.

Your kids keep fighting, so you join the fight.

Your kids watched too much T.V.

You forgot the clothes in the washer…again.

You lost your cool and overreacted…multiple times.

You forgot to pick your son up from Scouts.

You forgot to take your daughter to dance practice.

You had cereal for dinner.

You ate that bag of chips, even when your diet just started the day before.

You didn’t exercise.

You got in an argument with your spouse.

You didn’t do this….

You did this….

We feel like a complete failure and think we are a “BAD MOM.”

LIE.

 

You go to bed and you’re trying to sleep, but your mind is replaying all the things you did wrong that day.

Why do I have to overreact? Why can’t I remember to move the clothes to the dryer? Why do my kids fight all the time? Why. Why. Why.

We want to change, but we just can’t figure out how.

While we sleep, our mind is constantly going, and it’s thinking about whatever we last thought about before we fell asleep.  So, if you’re thinking about how terrible of a mom you are, you’re going to dream that, and when you wake up in the morning, you’re going to feel that and your day will probably just be a repeat of the day before.

So let’s break that cycle.

When I am mentoring women, on this exact issue, I have them try a little exercise, each night before they go to bed.

They think about all the things they did wrong that day, and then they say, “I forgive myself.”

They allow themselves a little forgiveness for what they feel they did wrong that day.  Some days, it’s hard to say it.  Some days, they don’t feel like it at all.  But they still say it and as they do it, they believe themselves a little more each time.

After they’ve forgiven themselves, they think of 3 things they did GOOD that day. It could be ANYTHING.

Maybe they made an awesome meal. Or they did remember to finish the laundry.  Or maybe they didn’t give into the soda or sweets that they really wanted to eat.

Big or small, they think of at least 3 things they did good and they go to bed.

This helps their brain think of the good things they did and then they wake up the next day, knowing they can do more good things. They focus on the good.

Trust me, this small and simple exercise will make ALL the difference.

 

5. She’s a Better Mom

Oh boy, this could be a whole post in and of itself.  I mean, I already talked a little bit about it HERE. 

But I’ll just cover it a little bit here too.

I know how you feel.  You walk into the grocery store and you see a mom who has her hair and makeup done, her kids are all dressed nicely and they are obediently walking through the store with her.  She picks up all organic foods, nothing from the frozen or processed food section because you just know that she prepares every meal from scratch.  Plus she has a cart full of what looks like decorations for her son’s Birthday Party that looks absolutely amazing! She’s that “PINTEREST” mom that we all want to be. She looks so well kept and put together, so she HAS to be a better mom than you are, right?

Wrong.

Dead wrong.

She is NOT a better mother than you.

Chances are she’s looking at you and see how amazing you are and how you have it all together, while she’s over there drowning in a long to-do list that she’s piled onto herself and wondering how in the world she can get out of doing everything.  She sees you and thinks that you must be a better mom than her.

Guess what?

Wrong again.

You’re not a better mom than her.

You know why? Because both of you are trying.  Both of you are doing what you can at the moment, with the energy, resources, and talents you’ve each been given.

No one and I mean no one in this world is any better than anyone else.

We need to stop looking at the 30-second glimpse we get of people, or even the Facebook view we have of them and… Click To Tweet

Is there something you could improve on? I guarantee it.

But I guarantee there are things that you are doing great as well.

So, forgive yourself for the things you aren’t doing right and go about changing them.  Focus on them one at a time…not all at once because that’s just a recipe for disaster.

But most importantly, celebrate the things you are doing good.  Celebrate YOU and what you bring to your family.

Just do you.

6. I  Can’t Ask for Help

Do you feel like you have to do it ALL?

For various reasons, you feel like you can’t ask for help.

Maybe, you don’t want to be a burden on someone else.

Lie.

Give someone the chance to help you. Sometimes, we NEED to help and serve other people. It helps us feel better. So, let someone help you.

Or perhaps, you think it’s a sign of weakness.

Lie.

 Asking for help doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're strong and wise. Click To Tweet

Maybe, you’re worried that if somone does something for you, they won’t do it how YOU would have done it.

Lie.

Okay..maybe they won’t do it exactly how you want.  But what’s wrong with that?? At least it is getting done, right?

Done is better than perfect. Click To Tweet

I was losing my mind.  I was feeling the weight of most of the housework on my shoulders. So I started having my kids help.  They’ve had chores since they were about 3 years old and as they get older, they do more challenging chores.

But the dishwasher.

I couldn’t relinquish control of loading the dishwasher.

What if they load it wrong?

I know how to get the dishes to fit just right.

Finally, I gave in and realized my sanity was worth it.

Now my two oldest kids, load the dishwasher.  Sometimes I cringe when I see how it is loaded, knowing I could fit a few more dishes in there, but I remember the main goal.  And the main goal is to teach my kids how to work and to have enough dishes for our next meal.  If that’s accomplished, then we are good to go.

Lastly, maybe you don’t have anyone you can ask for help.

Maybe you’re a single mom. Or maybe you live fare away from family.  Or maybe your kids really are a bit too young to help.

I promise there is someone you can ask for help.  You just have to get out of your comfort zone a bit.  Meet new people and if you trust them, ask for their help.

Maybe you need a mentor because you just don’t know how to get out of this rut of negative self-talk so you can love yourself more.

Regardless, there is ALWAYS someone there to help you.

When you can't get help from someone, don't forget to look up and ask for His help. Click To Tweet

If you have found yourself falling for these lies, that’s okay. At least now you know that they are lies. The ball is in your court.  You can choose to continue to believe them, or to move on and leave them behind and cultivate the truths.  I hope you’ll do just that.

 

XOXO-

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25 Responses to 6 Lies that Moms Believe

  1. Kathy says:

    I’ve said all of these to myself! Always trying to stop beating myself up! It’s a daily struggle…that’s for reminding me I’m not alone.

  2. Nicole Flint says:

    I related to this post so much! I’m currently feeling like #3 at the moment! I have learned to stop beating my self up over things.

  3. Chichi Uguru says:

    Oh my. This resonated so much with me. I am glad to know that I am not alone. Thanks for reminding me and for sharing this awesome post..

  4. Debby says:

    This type of post should be created every week so that moms every day can feel validated for doing what they do. As an empty nester, I can tell you that these are feelings you need to put aside and just do your best. It will be enough.

    • Charlsye Miller says:

      I agree! Women everywhere should be reading this type of message. We are too hard on ourselves and need constant reminders.

  5. Ana Ojha says:

    I’m not a mom but I enjoyed reading your post! Being a mom is a 24*7 job but I agree with you that moms should take out some time for themselves!

    • Charlsye Miller says:

      Yes, we do…everyone, whether you’re a mom or not. You need to take a break and have a little “me” time.

  6. Terri says:

    What a great post and so useful too. I’m going to send this link to my daughter. She needs to learn to say no and that it’s alright to say no.

  7. lloyd says:

    Fantastic read. It made me see things through my mothers eye’s and understand what she went through raising 2 kids. I hope i can learn from her and become half the person she is. Thanks for a truly nice read 😀

  8. I’m all here for parents helping parents realize that we need to be a little bit more realistic on what we can do in a parental role. Thanks for promoting a little positive reinforcement for us. 😄

  9. Victoria says:

    I’m not a mom, but I can see how people could believe these types of things! There is a lot to be said for taking time for yourself!

  10. kristal says:

    I always have a hard time with letting people me with things and asking for help.

  11. This post is so true. I think every mom goes through this at least once, but that is normal we are only human. As long as you know what is truth and what not, and learn from your mistakes

  12. Chei Pangan says:

    Great post. I totally agree with everything you have said. There’s nothing wrong asking for help.

  13. Sue says:

    I loved this article. I am not yet a mom and i cant even begin to imagine what mothers have to go through but it does put things into perspective. I will share this article with the mothers i know.

  14. Ewa says:

    wonderful post! these are things I struggle with personally but luckily I’m aware that this is just my inside critic not the truth.

  15. OMG I loved this article and how candid you were. I’m guilty of feeling inadequate as a mom sometimes, and this made me feel better. Thanks!

  16. Ali Rost says:

    I just loved your post and, at one time or another, have related to all of these. What stood out for me most was the negative self-talk. In 2017, my intention was to treat myself with the same kindness that I would show to a friend. That included changing my mental tape recorder. Admittedly, it’s all a work in progress, but it’s truly been life altering. x

  17. Kandice says:

    I just wrote about #5 on my blog today!

  18. Tanvi says:

    This is such a great post. I have had my friends with kids complain about the same things and struggles with few others. I will share your post with them to put their minds at ease. 🙂

    ❥ tanvii.com

  19. Cate says:

    Well said! All great points. Im currently stumbling over number 3. I know better and this is a good reminder. Thank you for you supportive insight!!

  20. Claudia P. says:

    Hahah this post is sooo true and I agree with every single one of them. The one that I recently learned and experienced myself is “She is a better mom” Not only about being a better mom but in general about “they have more fun” they travel more” “they have everything worked out” its amazing how quick we are to make assumptions about things and create our own version of reality when we couldn’t be further away from the truth. I had this idea that some people had a perfect life until I actually met them and they thought the same about me!

  21. Claudia says:

    Hahah this post is sooo true and I agree with every single one of them. The one that I recently learned and experienced myself is “She is a better mom” Not only about being a better mom but in general about “they have more fun” they travel more” “they have everything worked out” its amazing how quick we are to make assumptions about things and create our own version of reality when we couldn’t be further away from the truth. I had this idea that some people had a perfect life until I actually met them and they thought the same about me!

  22. Katrina says:

    I find myself struggling with saying No… working on it. That and the comparison to other moms. Specially in the mommy blogging world. But working on it!

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